The Slovenian forward: “In Bergamo, it was love; we were rewriting history. Gasperini pushed me past every limit; between training sessions, I was throwing up”
Josip Ilicic tells his story through pauses, silences, and things left unsaid. He reveals what he has experienced through the expressions on his face. He sends messages in bottles to the faces and squares of a lifetime, keeping some parts of the text to himself. For the first time, he has opened the little door overlooking the darkness that nearly swallowed him whole from a small room at “Bonifika,” the stadium of Koper in Koper, the city where he chose to start over at age 37 in the Slovenian first division.
Josip, not even a hint of quitting?
“Actually, I’ve thought about it, but I’ve known the manager and the president for 25 years. When they asked me to give them a hand, I accepted right away. As long as I’m physically well, I want to enjoy it.” So you’ll finish your career in Slovenia? “Yes, it’s given me a living. I was born in Bosnia, but I don’t remember anything. My father died when I was a year and a half old. I grew up with my brother and my mother, who taught me to fight. My moves, my left foot, were born on the streets.”
They were the first to notice him in Palermo.
“Maribor’s sporting director called me into his office after the first leg in Slovenia. ‘We’ve sold you,’ he said. ‘Where?’ I asked. ‘We can’t tell you anything.’ I didn’t know what to tell my wife. There was talk of Napoli. He gave me the contract to sign two days before the return leg. It had the Palermo flag on it. ‘What if I score?’ In the end, I scored and didn’t celebrate.”
Sabatini said he was struck by his “innate sadness.”
“From the outside, I look like I’m asleep; in Bergamo they called me ‘the grandma,’ but I never want to lose. I tell my daughters that too. But the more you hammer me, the more you insult me, the stronger I get. I’ll come out and show you who I am. I’ve never hidden myself.”
In Palermo, he got off to a great start.
“I had a great defender: President Zamparini. He was in love with my style of play, just like he was with Pastore’s, Miccoli’s—players who always showed something different. He protected me. When things weren’t going well, he’d invite me to his house, send a private jet to pick me up, and tell me he’d found the right coach for me. A month later, he’d already fired him. With that team, we could have achieved so much more.”
What were your years in Florence like?
“Complicated. I’m sorry to say it, but I’m done with the Florentines. They always criticized me, focusing on how much I was paid, but in four years I was the top scorer and the top assist provider twice. Was I bad? Seriously? We finished fourth and it wasn’t enough. We made it to the Europa League semifinals… and it wasn’t enough. Even there, the regret remains of having lost a cup final. That said, I still have a home in Florence, a great city. My family goes there every now and then.”
How did the move to Atalanta come about?
“I had already agreed to join Sampdoria, but the day before my medical, Gasperini called me. ‘Will you come play for me?’ he asked. ‘Coach, I’m going to Genoa, I can’t.’ ‘Sartori will call you, don’t worry.’ When I told him how much I’d be earning, he replied, ‘So what? What’s the problem?’ That’s when I found out what it means to go to training camp with Gasperini.”
Tell us about your preparation.
“Between training sessions, you can’t sleep: your legs are throbbing, you’re exhausted, you feel like throwing up. But he gets into your head like no one else. If you pass the training camp test—three weeks of double sessions and runs in the woods—then you get it. How many games did we turn around thanks to that run? We lasted 90 minutes; the others were done by the 60th. Every now and then there were arguments with Gasp, but when you love someone, you fight.”
What was that Atalanta team?
“Two years ago I met Paratici in London. He told me we had a Scudetto-winning attack. That’s when I understood everything. Me, Papu, Muriel, Pasalic… we could have played with our eyes closed and still scored goals. What we did, no one else has done. We were strong, magical. Two goals at Anfield, five against Milan, five against Parma. That group was missing a trophy. We played in two Coppa Italia finals, but the 2019 one is as if I hadn’t played in it.”
Does Bastos’s handball still gnaw at you?
“I’ve never seen Percassi so pissed off. Never. It was a penalty and a red card. I’ve lost four finals, but that one remains the worst.”
Let’s talk about Valencia vs. Atalanta. The best night of his life with four goals in the Champions League, before the darkness set in.
“A lot of people ask me: ‘But if what happened hadn’t happened—COVID, the depression, and everything—where would you have ended up?’ I don’t know, but we would have made it to the Champions League final. I was in the best shape of my life, and we weren’t afraid of anyone. Is Real coming? Okay, but prove you’re better than us. That was our mindset. And Atalanta, in Valencia, changed the history of soccer. We became an example. And in the meantime, the world began to come to a standstill, turning off the lights…”.
And you too. Did you ever think you wouldn’t make it?
“I don’t talk about private matters. I was offered money to tell my story, but I’m keeping the details to myself.”
How did you get sick?
“I didn’t know if I’d return to playing, and when you’re stuck at home, you start thinking. I spent 42 days in Bergamo without my family. I suffered. Money, contracts—I didn’t care about anything anymore. I wasn’t well. And the rumors about my wife hurt me.”
They said she had cheated on you.
“Nothing could be further from the truth. But can you imagine me catching my wife with another man? She was subjected to unbelievable insults.”
Why didn’t you deny it?
“They would have asked me what was wrong with me, why I wasn’t myself anymore. But my family, friends, and teammates knew the truth.”
Why did they spread that rumor?
“Because I was at the top, and no one knew anything about me. Something had to come out. In the end, I went home. In Slovenia, it was as if COVID didn’t exist, while in Bergamo, coffins were being paraded in trucks. A terrible sight. Besides, a few years earlier, I had experienced the tragedy of Astori, with whom I played for years at Fiorentina. It left a mark on me.”
Gasperini, recounting his ordeal, became emotional. How did that make you feel?
“It makes you understand who I was and how I was doing. And who the two of us were, together. I can’t forget what he did for me. In 2018, I was hospitalized for an infection. I was afraid I wouldn’t wake up. After a week, he told me, ‘Josip, get up—we have to play.’ ‘Coach, I can’t stand up.’ ‘I don’t care—you’re on the field.’ He did the same thing in Valencia. After the third goal, I asked to be substituted; he ignored me, and I scored the fourth. He pushed me beyond the limits I thought I had.”
Gasp also said that in 2020 you were Ballon d’Or material.
“What can I say? I never talk about myself, but I was in great shape. I don’t know if I was ready for Real Madrid, but in 2010, in Palermo, I set foot in a gym for the first time. Maybe if I’d done it when I was 17…”.
How many teams were after you?
“It was a done deal with Napoli; I spoke with Ancelotti, then Percassi blocked everything. Milan and Bologna also called me, with poor Mihajlovic. But I’m not complaining: better to be a star in Bergamo than just one of many at a so-called ‘big club’.”
Why did you leave Atalanta?
“It was the tendons’ fault. The weight fluctuations were terrible. I wasn’t the same as before. I tried injections, treatments, but nothing worked. In 2022, Monchi called me to Sevilla for a two-and-a-half-year contract, but I told him I couldn’t handle that kind of pace anymore. In the end, I went back to Maribor.”
Did you cry when you said goodbye to Bergamo?
“I was sad, but at the same time happy to be going home after 12 years. In 2023, when the fans came to visit me in Maribor, I was moved. When you’re nearing the end of your career, you start to realize what you’ve done.”
Was there a moment when you thought, “I was loved in Bergamo like few others have been?”
“When I went to watch Atalanta vs. Real Madrid in 2024. I thought people had forgotten, but instead the fans were singing. Modric told me that too. ‘You weren’t playing, but the whole stadium was for you.’ We still keep in touch with that group, even though we’re scattered around the world. We missed out on a trophy, but I’m happy to have seen Atalanta win the 2024 Europa League. When I have more time, I’d love to see everyone again. We did some crazy things. Really crazy things…”.
