The former defender felt ill on the field in 2014: “That was the end of my career. I came back, but I wasn’t myself anymore. The coach said I belonged in Serie B. I felt humiliated.”

Life, for better or worse, can be full of surprises. Leandro Castan experienced this firsthand, in the silence of his muscles, in the words of those who stood by him when everything was dark and there was no light at the end of the tunnel. “I was afraid of dying. I was diagnosed with a cavernoma, which is a vascular malformation in the brain. That was the end of my career.” Everything changed in an instant. You go to sleep as a soccer player, and you wake up and you’re no longer one. When the defender talks about it, he relives the drama. The defender was 26 years old, had played about 60 games in Serie A, and was part of the Brazilian national team. “The tumor wiped out my dreams. I would have won the Scudetto with Roma and played in the World Cup with Brazil.”

Castan’s career ended at a very specific moment: it was September 14, 2014, and Roma were playing away at Empoli. Maicon noticed that something was wrong…

“In those 15 minutes, it was all over. Maicon went to Garcia and said, ‘Leo is sick, change him.’ I left the field and never returned. The next day, I woke up with a particularly severe headache, went to the hospital, and had an MRI. My body was no longer responding, and I was afraid I was going to die.”

Then came the diagnosis. He was told he had a cerebral cavernoma. Do you remember your reaction?

“At first, Roma didn’t tell me anything, surely to protect me. I understood they were worried, they just told me to stay calm. When I found out, it was terrible. I went from fighting to win the Scudetto with the Giallorossi to lying in a hospital bed battling a tumor. It was a nightmare, I was vomiting every day. I lost 15 kg in two weeks. The goal became simply to survive. Soccer came second at that point.”

Do you remember any particular messages you received after the operation?

“Yes, lots of them. Many of them were unexpected. I remember Baresi wrote to me, it was incredible. Then Del Piero, Bonucci, and others. In addition to all my teammates, they were fantastic.“

After a long rehabilitation, you tried to return. But it wasn’t easy. Did you feel like your body was no longer responding to your commands?

”Let me tell you this. I remember perfectly the first ball I tried to go for. I tried to stop it, but it went under my legs. It was as if I had no control over my body. It was a terrible feeling.“

Did you ever think about quitting?

”Yes, many times. I can’t put the disappointment into words. You don’t recognize yourself, you want to reach a certain level but you can’t. During that period, I was always crying. I even ended up arguing with my teammates. Like that day with Dzeko…“

Tell us about it. ”During training, Edin turned around and slapped me. I took it badly and five minutes later I tackled him hard, committing a nasty foul. He insulted me, and a few words were exchanged. Then in the evening I called him and apologized. Today we’re good friends. The same thing happened with Keita. We argued in training. I was feeling bad and got heated quickly. Then with Seydou, too, everything was resolved in the locker room.“

Were they supportive of you at Roma?

”Yes, very much so. I can only thank the club and the people who were with me during that period. Walter Sabatini was like a second father to me, but Rudi Garcia was also fundamental. After every training session, he would come to my house and spend half an hour with me. It happened every day. It was his way of making me feel part of the group. I’ve never said this before, but it’s something I carry in my heart.”

Spalletti, on the other hand, practically dropped me from the squad after the match against Hellas Verona…

” He called me into his office to tell me he wanted to give me another chance. ‘What do I need to do to get one of the strongest defenders in the league back?’ he asked me. At first, he did put his faith in me. Then, after that terrible game against Verona, he decided not to play me anymore. He called me in and told me I had to leave, that my level was only good enough to play for Frosinone. So in Serie B. It was awful, not so much because of the decision but because of the way it was done. I felt humiliated. I don’t think I’m the only one who has argued with him over the years, though…”

That was effectively the end of his time with Roma. Have you learned to convince us today, or does it remain a regret?

“I’m sorry I wasn’t able to stay at that level. I gave it my all, but it wasn’t enough. My success was already being able to return to the field. At a certain point, however, training had become detrimental. Roma didn’t renew my contract, and I chose to return to Brazil. After a couple of years, I gave it all up.“

What memories do you have of your time at Roma?

”We were very strong, with world-class players. Today, a team like that would win three championships in a row. Salah, Edin, Francesco, De Rossi, Benatia, Nainggolan, and so on. We were just unlucky to come up against an incredible Juventus team that never lost.“

Who was the best player you played with?

”I’d like to say Totti, but you know… I played with Ronaldo. Ronnie has always been my idol, sharing a dressing room with him was incredible. You could never catch him in the first four steps and he already had a belly!”

What is your relationship with soccer today?

“Until two years ago, I couldn’t even watch a game. I would get a knot in my stomach. Now I’m back to watching it, and I’d actually like to coach. On the bench, I’d like to get back what bad luck took away from me as a player.”

Do you ever think about how things would have turned out if…?

“Every day that passes, believe me. For a long time, I wondered why it happened to me. The tumor wiped out my dreams in the stands. I think I would have won the Scudetto with Roma and played in the World Cup with the Brazilian national team.”